A brand new day

Well, my bad day that I blogged about last, became a bad week. To be completely honest its been a terrible week, but those who know what its like to struggle with anxiety and panic attacks know how often it is that it is a silent kind of terrible. The kind that simply exists in your mind.

I find I know when a panic attack is imminent, and its amazing how adept I have become at pushing it back, and ignoring its protests at being silenced. Its like there is a great big kettle in my mind, I picture it as a cauldron, and I put things that bother me, and things that stress me out into this cauldron. Well eventually something comes along and basically acts as a "trigger", and it lights a fire under the pot. Well what happens to a pot full of stuff, under heat, it eventually boils over. There is no stopping this from happening, I'm pretty sure there is a scientific explanation for what I am explaining, except that its going on in my head. 

So anyway, this last week has been hard. Made doubly hard by the fact that I feel like I am waging a constant war against an army that I created myself. My dishes, my laundry, my messy house, my dogs, my KIDS ! The fact that I have to cook dinner every night... I mean seriously, do they need to eat every night? Now I am making myself laugh, but its true, you can get so caught up in the day to day bullshit, and before you know it your in a hole that you dug yourself.

Why am I being so brutally honest here? I mean its the internet... first off, I don't share this on my personal Facebook page anymore, if your reading this you probably don't know me, but perhaps your going through some of the same things as I am. Perhaps knowing that someone else is on the same journey as yourself can give you a little brightness in your day. And I promise this blog is not going to be all negative with no positives, but this blog is mine, and it belongs to me, it is my emotions, my experiences and my opinions. And lately I have had a hard enough time just getting to the end of my day. But I feel a change in the wind, and better days are coming, I just need to take it one day at a time and get back to where I'm more in touch with my inner happy. 

I'm going to make chocolate bar's tonight, perhaps I will take pictures and write up a nice blog post about that tomorrow :-) Cheers !